In Space with Oranges
by SetPhasers2Stun
Summary: Orange Juice to Power Spaceships- the force of citrus goodness and the strength of vitamin C.  Warning, this may not live up to the expectations of grammar-fanatics. Please read and review, thanks! No SLASH, fyi
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing... you remotely recognize.

In Space with Oranges

"Another alpha-beta double shift completed. Romulans and Klingons were sent scurrying off the Enterprise. Shots were fired and blocked on both sides- a typical day under the command of Capt. James T. Kirk. Adrenaline, uncertainty and eventual victory with dubious adherence to protocol; it is a good thing Mr. Spock is a vegetarian, constipation would drive him to kill Kirk.

The younger members of the bridge crew, Lieutenants Sulu and Chekov, shuffled off to write their reports and relax."

.

.

.

PSYCH!: Here's what really went down.

Having been released from duty, the two officers headed to the botany labs Lieutenant Sulu has access to. Why, one may ask, do they go there? In a word: oranges- big, juicy orange colored…oranges…ahem.

Once inside the lab, Sulu and Chekov pulled stools over to the hydroponics garden where the experiment was underway. These two officers, known shipwide for their hooligan tendencies, were actually brilliant, if not a bit mad, scientists. Luckily, for the passing galaxies, they were easily distracted by more innocuous activities.

The orange project/experiment is the latest in their citrus crystal ventures. According to their reasoning, a successful experiment yielding sound product, would allow them to corner a considerable market seeking alternative starship energy source to the highly unstable dilithium crystals. Though these were formed with negligible amounts of dilithium for that extra oomph...

Formalities aside, let us return to the scheming scientists… But wait… what's this? The stools of the scientific duo are vacant and spinning lazily, and they are nowhere in sight.

Oh dear me! I shall return to narrate further on the puckish doings of our mischievous officers—once I locate them. 'Til then, hands off the citrus, and don't pocket the Russian candies… you've been warned. Adieu!

…

"Pssst! Hello? Readers from ? Like OMG, we thought that stuffy narrator would never leave! Anyhow, I am Hikaru Sulu"—

"And I am Pavel Chekov, you in ze back kin call me—oof! Sulu! Vhat vas zat vor?"

"Anyhow. Back on track..."

"Anyhow. Back on track…lalala lookit me I'm Hikaru Sulu helmsman to ze Enterprise…soooo special…"

"Stop it…you're embarrassing us! Look they are looking at us weird…smile dammit! It's time to dazzle 'em!"

"Da, but: I vill continue…"

"However stuffy, ze narrator vas correct! We have been vorking on replacing dilithium vith orange citrus crystals!"

"Yes… and the reason we are using oranges- "

"Vait! I vish to tell zem…ze reason ve are using ze orange frui—"

"That's redundant! They have eyes-"

"So's your face! Now let me finish please!...ze orange has been selected for its resistance to corrosion and vormation of unstable and highly dangerous bi-products. Zhere, now you may add whatever you wish."

"Needless to say, there has been no precedent for this sort of work-"

"And there won't be work done to establish… precedent."

"Chekov! Let me go and stop yelping into my ear!"

"Apologies! He scared me!"

"Another voice drifted in, (I, the narrator, have returned and am narrating myself into the story), their voice had become decidedly reedier and whiny as it sulked from next to the unyielding frame of the Vulcan. The narrator was wringing their hands as their narration drew a tolerant but frayed glance from the first officer. The narrator attempted to wheedle sympathy in their favor from the imposing figure, instead was silently ordered, along with the stowaway readers of fan-fiction, to move toward the shuttle bay and into the shuttle Galileo 7. Once inside, the stowaways, and the narrator—wait! Don't send me away Mr. Spock! How is anyone going to know what's happening!"

"Lieutenant Sulu? Lieutenant Chekov?"

"Yes?"

"Da?"

"Cast the shuttle adrift. And meet me in the Botany lab."

"Hello gentlemen, would either of you please tell me whether you know why the shuttle bay is missing a shuttle? Galileo 7...?"

"Captain Kirk, Lieutenants Sulu and Chekov were just explaining their project. As for the shuttle, we were not aware of any activity."

"Thank you Mr. Spock. Sulu, Chekov, please tell me what experiment you are working on that is so engrossing as to capture Mr. Spock's interest?"

"Well sir, oranges have quite wondrous properties…"

"Really very vondrous…especially for starships…"

-Five minutes later…

"Check mate Mr. Spock, perhaps you had too much orange juice?"

"Actually, another would not be amiss."

"I will take mine with a splash of bourbon— and after that most strange psych exam I have ever given mind you, Jim… oranges to run space ships! As though the damn transporter isn't trouble enough with power that 'works'!"

"I agree Bones. I heard you prescribed them physical exercises to help them cope constructively with their imagination…"

"Well, coupled with the idea of alternative energy and therapy, together: they are powering the lights in this room."

"Bones…that was genius!"

"Fascinating."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize…mine are the crystals…

A/N: The first chp has been edited, hopefully it is less cluttered than before : D

Cleaning up Orange Crystals

" I hope zee new narrator is better zhan zee old vun," said Chekov as he signed off on a maintenance request for their fruitless experiment.

"No joke. However, we could try these experiments again and bring in real results…in published form," mused Sulu.

As a result of strange experiments, but mostly for hosting stowaway fanfiction readers and a rather nasally narrator, Chekov and Sulu have been disciplined for 'behavior unbecoming of officers' and 'general dummy-ness.'

" And how are ve to do zees?" queried Chekov. He was still sore from the 'physical therapy' Dr. McCoy had prescribed to deal with their 'bright ideas.'

Bearing his sore frame with practiced bravado, Sulu smiled.

Their first orange crystal-dilithium core powered replicator was placed in the mess hall. Despite cries that the dilithium was doing the heavy lifting, a closer look revealed the vastly reduced formation of trilithium waste and reduced need for dilithium—new crystals, that is.

For, the procedure that combines the orange crystals to the dilithium results in a hardier and magnifying crystal form that has less dilithium with all its power and none of its waste. The crystals themselves were formed within the oranges that would grow, the dilithium, in salt-form, would be taken up by the growing orange. Spent dilithium can be used for the salting process.

The Sulu-Chekov Citrus Experiment was a success. However, before this is to be revealed, it will require ship-wide testing. In the lab, (Chekov's cabin), all worked with perfection. Even the borscht produced by the replicator tasted real—so was recorded the first review of the replicator.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the crystals, blue-ness and the silly diplomatic incident.

Diplomatic Immunity

"Oh, it's you Hikaru. Vhat are you doing here? I thought Dr. McCoy vasn't releasing anyvun 'til the…effects… vore off."

"Well, you got lucky it wore off you as fast as it did, seeing how you had three plums, an apple and some carrots. I had oranges for lunch when this hit me! I was released for this meeting and have doctor's orders to be confined to quarters. As it were, _my_ condition is actually quite tame, compared to others. I think we're done for. "

"Do you have any idea who could have discovered our modified replicators and messed vith them?"

"From what I saw, there was nothing amiss. Everything was exactly how we had them when they were installed. Even Mr. Scott is wondering how the replicated food could have gained the ability to do…all this!"

"Yikes! No need to bring those so close to me! I realize our dilemma may be due to tampering, however, if even Mr. Scott cannot figure the cause behind this… the Captain and Mr. Spock will have to send us to the high court of the Ambassador's home planet! "

"Relax Pavel. The Captain and Mr. Spock have no way of allowing such circumstantial evidence as those replicators, to serve as grounds of sabotage. Besides the Diplomatic entourage is really grasping at straws, and this proves it. They are putting off the paper signing for…I don't know! A better deal or something!"

"Just like vhen they accused Star Fleet of humiliating them by offering a dessert menu that contained vine and cakes. Seriously, that's just weird. And how vere ve to know that these are offered as part of a marriage proposal! And vhat does any of this have to do vith their planet joining the Federation?"

"Man, I hope Chief Giotto has the surveillance tapes to prove that we didn't place the chemicals in the food and the strange flowers in their quarters… "

"Vait, somevun placed _flowers_ in their quarters? Who in their right mind would do something so dumb as to leave them there after all the fuss?"

"Whatever it is, I hope no one thinks that this is our doing. However, I just passed members of the diplomatic team on my over here…I swear, both the man and woman-"

"Vith the strange turbans and glass bracelets?"

"Yes, them… Are they members of that team? Anyhow, they both looked at me and smiled. The guy had leaned in and said the Ambassador is interested in the offer and is pleased we caught on to their hints."

"Vhat offer? This is driving me nuts! First the strange chemical that made you and I bright blue, Andorians vould laugh…And now ve are being made accomplices to this plot!"

"Alright Pavel, Mr. Smurf…I mean Sulu. Please have a seat, we have some questions regarding the modified replicator, and a really strange discussion we just had with the Ambassador's aides on our way in here about some deal the two of you made with them on behalf of the Federation."

"…"

"Apparently, Mr. Chekov and Mr. Sulu are unaware of their end of the bargain."

"…"

"According to the aides, you both have agreed to marry the Ambassador's daughters as part of sealing the deal and making their planet a member of the Federation."

"Vhat?"

"Holy shi…ttaki mushrooms!"

"I'm not ready to marry! I had promised my mother I would see the universe and wait 'til I was tventy-five!"

"I'm already married!"

"…"

" Honest! Why are you all looking at me like that? Pavel? I already told you! "

"Alright, alright, calm them down before Pavel here forgets how to breathe and turns blue! And Sulu, bluer."

"Right, so you will going the Ambassador's house with myself, Mr. Scott and Dr. McCoy for the signing ceremony and to explain why you cannot marry his daughters."

"…"

"But, I'm blue!"

"No matter, just remember to apologize—I know it wasn't you, Chief Giotto has shown us the footage, and no you are not in trouble, much—and, alright you know what, formal dress, meet in transporter room three in fifteen, go. Go, stop gawking."

"Goodness! Did you see the look on the Ambassador's wife's face vhen she realized the misunderstanding? Heck, she looked like she forgot how to breathe and became bluer than you!"

"Ok, can it with the 'blue.' I get that I am blue, but that is no reason to keep bringing it up. I just can't believe the Ambassador didn't know that he didn't have any daughters,-"

"- Aside from the Orion 'foreign exchange students' staying with them… "

"His sons however looked raving mad!"

"Eh, but their 'sisters' vere pretty hot…"

"Pavel, don't …even."

"Vhat! All that didn't stop-"

"Mr. Sulu? Mr. Chekov?"

"Mr. Spock."

"Congratulations on the success of the citrus crystals and their use in the replicators. However, considering the _interesting_ side effects of consuming citrus fruits from those replicators, they have been removed until that defect is removed. According to Mr. Scott it was a matter of the isomers replicated and reacting to the negligible amounts of dilithium in proximity to the converter. However, after finding several security and engineering personnel a similar hue, it has been concluded it was the results of a Color Feud. The dilithium modification on the replicators only made the chemical last somewhat longer."

"No problem sir. We were just about to discuss the possibility of the crystals being used in other, non-food related ways."

"No ve vere not. Ve vere discussing the Orion 'sisters,' – oof! Sulu!"

"Reports on your experiments are to be submitted to the proper departments by alpha shift tomorrow. I look forward to seeing your data. As for the 'offer' made with the Ambassador's aides, you have diplomatic immunity as you were unwitting accomplices to the aides' pranks. They themselves have disappeared, but the Ambassador has given us his word. Until tomorrow, Mr. Chekov, Mr. Sulu."

"Good night Mr. Spock."

"Diplomatic immunity? Hmm. For once, hearing that doesn't make me feel ill."

"Yes, I agree. However, I do have some questions… Vhat Color Feud? Don't they both wear red-shirts? And vhy blue?"

"I wonder what other things happen around here that we don't know about…"

-Klingon ship few hundred light years away…-

"-Diplomatic immunity?"

"Turn off that link before they find us! Blue? Flowers? Turbans and glass bracelets? Imbeciles! Disgrace to the Empire, both of you!"

"Gosh, Mog, calm down! There's no need to make a mountain of a mole hill!"

"…"

"It's a terran expression…Mog? Captain Mog?"

A/N: Those Klingons! What would life on the Enterprise be without their interference? : D Please read and review

~ SetPhasers2Stun :D


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